Regret
by ghrocks07
Summary: Takes place after 'Honor Roll.' Bibby waits until Andy is alone and takes her hostage. Everyone races to find her, as Sam struggles with his emotions; Was his callous and juvenile attitude partially to blame for what put her in this position?
1. Chapter 1

**Rookie Blue**

Andy McNally & Sam Swarek

_-Regret-_

…

At this moment, Sam Swarek is the most emotional he's ever been in his entire life. He's pacing back and forth in a hallway of the police station, as many staff members rush around him, desperately trying to come up with something to help ease the chaos around them. Everyone is on edge; the entire department is even at risk of falling apart if this story hits the news.

…

Detective Derek Bibby, also known as an upstanding law enforcement officer, was liked and supported by several other members of the department.

That is, until earlier today, when he was exposed for what he really is: a thief, a murderer, and a criminal.

This all came out in the open because of two rookies: Officers Chris Diaz and Andy McNally.

Yet, going in, they had no idea how big this case really was. They knew it was big, especially because it was an extremely difficult decision, as two young, new cops on the force, whether or not to accuse one of their own brothers in blue, but they could have never anticipated that this would have happened as a result of doing so.

…

Sam kept pacing, looking around anxiously, his eyes moist and his vision blurry. He became dizzy all of a sudden and had to sit in one of the many chairs lined up against the wall. His right hand gripped the bar on the side of his chair so tight that his knuckles turned white. His left palm was against his forehead, his fingers rubbing his temples angrily.

He looked up momentarily and saw Detective Callaghan, rushing around in the conference room directly in front of him, desperately trying to come up with a lead on the case. Luke was a mess. He was both furious and agitated. As much as it sickened Sam's stomach to look at him, he studied Callaghan's every move, noting his demeanor. He'd never seen Luke so bent out of shape about something. Yet he understood why.

…

Sam remembered watching Andy leaving the station, wanting to catch up with her to apologize, but stopping in his tracks as he saw Callaghan approach her. Immediately, he had put two and two together. He had forgotten about the fishing trip they had planned. So there he stood, motionlessly watching the turn of events unfold between them. From where he stood, he watched Andy's expression carefully. As Callaghan came into her line of sight, she looked like she, too, had forgotten about their plans.

Then, she walked closer to him, put one of her hands on his chest, and just as Sam turned to leave, not wanting to see them kiss, he caught a glimpse of Andy start crying. He turned back at once, concerned. She kept shaking her head back and forth, as she explained something to Luke. He looked thoroughly disappointed and confused. Sam tried reading her lips.

"I'm sorry, it's just- there's a lot of stuff going on right now and I- I just need a break." He could see her say to him before turning and walking away.

She had broken up with him.

Now, she was headed towards Sam, but not to talk to him, because the exit to the station was about 10 ft. in front of him.

As Sam started towards Andy, she saw him. She looked into his eyes, angry and hurt, and bit her lower lip as she shook her head no. She didn't want to talk. All she wanted was to be left alone. So Sam respected her wishes.

…

As Sam thought about this, it just built up his rage even more.

…

It was about an hour after Andy had left, while Sam was catching up on some paperwork, that the devastating news had been spread throughout the station. Boyko, obviously infuriated, came out of his office and got everyone's attention. Sam looked inside the open door to Boyko's office, seeing Diaz's face, stricken with fear. Now, he was worried. Boyko never got angry unless something was wrong, and by the looks of everyone around him who had previously been briefed, something was definitely wrong.

"Everyone listen up. This morning, two rookies, McNally and Diaz, came across a severely beaten man. Their investigation into it eventually led to one of our own as a suspect: Detective Derek Bibby." Boyko started.

Sam's eyes widened, along with everyone else in the station, accompanied by a few gasps and whispers.

"This accusation turned out to be true. Bibby was involved in a massive conspiracy. He had stolen thousands of dollars of evidence while on the job. Our two rookies confronted him about this, and it went awry."

Boyko was irritated, but tried to hide it.

"Diaz just received a voicemail ten minutes ago from McNally," he continued, "and in the message she stated that she thought Bibby was following her. It turns out she was right, because while she was parked and leaving the voicemail, he had approached her and grabbed her at gunpoint. Now, we need to locate them because she's in serious danger, and I need everyone working this case. Keep a trap open on both their cell phones in case they turn back on. If either of them does, trace it."

He then walked quickly back into his office, and continued to get information out of Diaz.

…

Millions of thoughts ran through Sam's head then, all at the same time.

_Oh my god, Andy's in trouble. That's impossible... I just saw her walk out about an hour ago…_

_Why didn't she come to me about-?_

Sam stopped. His heart lurched. His throat seemed to close up.

…

"_You can stop avoiding me now." A cold sting rang through Andy's voice._

"_Listen, man, can I call you back? Yeah, I'll call you back, alright, okay."_

_Sam hangs up the phone and turns to Andy, looking at her pointedly. _

"_Avoiding you?"_

"_Yeah, running away every time you see me? Fine, __**it was what it was,**__ whatever, you know, I'm not going to over think it, but you're still my training officer, right?" _

"_Yeah." Sam said childishly._

"_Okay, that means that I can come to you with a problem, no matter what that problem is or who it is with?"_

"_Sure. What? You and Callaghan fighting over who gets top bunk at the cabin?" _

"_Ohh, that's hilarious. I'm referring to a case, Sam." Andy says with hurt and anger audible from her tone. _

_She studies him for a few seconds. Realizing that he wasn't going to drop his sarcastic attitude any time soon, she snaps back, ending the conversation, and walking away._

"_You know what, screw it."_

…

Sam could have died right there as everything began falling into place. He'd been so caught up in himself, so childish and juvenile, that when she needed him the most, he wasn't there for her.

_If only he'd listened to her then, if he'd been even the slightest bit more mature..._

_If only he'd stopped her on her way out, refusing to let her leave without apologizing and making amends.. then maybe she would have talked to him, told him about the case, then he could have stopped her, warned her._

_Or, if worse came to worst, she could've called **him** instead of Diaz. **He **would have answered. Maybe helped her in some way, or told her what to do. _

_Oh, what he'd give to hear her voice one last time._

**_If only..._**

…

Now, as Sam sat in the chair, his head pounding and heart racing, the pain he felt nearly consumed him. This time, he could blame himself. _It __**was**__ his fault._

…

"**It's regret, I think, that really is the worst kind of pain. Yeah, guilt and sadness are bad too, but regret is ultimately the sickly combination of both." **-Author Unknown


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Thank you so much everyone, who read, favorited, alerted, or reviewed my story. I appreciate it greatly. Hope you guys like this chapter._

…

Sam couldn't just sit there any longer. He had to do something, anything, to feel like he was helping. He got up, and immediately started walking towards the conference room where Callaghan and several other detectives and officers were busy shuffling papers and exchanging theories.

Sam stepped into the doorway as Callaghan was in the middle of his speech.

"Look, Bibby was stealing money, right? And the reason he beat the kid up in the first place was for taking some of his drug money… So, we definitely need to have people posted at Bibby's house in case he comes back for-"

"I already have men there." One of the more seasoned beat cops chimed in. "They're trustworthy, and posted at every entrance and exit of his house."

Callaghan looked at this officer, nodded in approval, and continued.

"We have to understand what he wants with her. Why did he choose her as his subject? What can he gain from taking her?"

...

Not so much as what Callaghan said bothered Sam, but it was how he said it that made Sam's nostrils flare.

The professional, detached tone in his voice echoed through the room, almost as if it were _just another_ case. If no one knew any better, they'd assume he'd never met Andy in his entire life.

Granted, that might be the best way to act at this moment, but Sam could never imagine referring to _her_ as _his_ _subject_.

As Sam was thinking of countless insulting adjectives to describe Callaghan in his head, something happened in the other room. He heard an officer yell in order to get everyone's attention and then the room fell silent. Sam quickly rushed over to see what was happening, and everyone else in the conference room followed.

Boyko had come out of his office too, and the officer that yelled to quiet everyone, looked shocked and nervous before delivering whatever news he had come across.

"We've got a call coming in." He paused. "…From Bibby."

The words tore through Sam as he heard them, and his previous distraught and emotional demeanor changed instantly to angry and determined.

…

"Put it on speaker," Boyko said, while approaching the phone.

Callaghan and the other officers were positioned right behind Sam, listening intently.

"Bibby, this is Boyko."

"So, as you know, I've got your girl." The rough, slimy voice on the other line let out.

"Why are you doing this, Derek? You were a great cop, spotless record-"

"WERE being the operative word." He said, pissed off. "You really think IA is really going to let me go back to work after they find the thousands of dollars of drug money in my house, huh? Do you?" Bibby let out rhetorically. "And you know what," his tone became disgusted, "It's all because of this _bitch_ right here."

There was a little bit of static on the other line, from some type of quick movement on Bibby's part, before hearing a loud noise followed by Andy's muffled scream. He slapped her, hard. Everyone in the station cringed, but not as much as Sam had. Sam's jaw was now clenched, his fist balled, his eyes dark.

"You don't have to do this." Boyko started again, desperately trying to de-escalate the situation, but to no avail.

Bibby laughed. "Have to? No. Want to? Hell yes." Guessing by the whimpering from Andy in the background, her tone rising as he caused her more pain, he was pulling her hair. Sam knew he had her detained and something covering her mouth.

Boyko looked at one of our tech guys, while muting the call for a second.

"I can't get anything boss; he's bouncing the signal off different countries."

"How long?" Boyko snapped.

"It depends-"

...

"_Oh, Boyko?" _Bibby childishly let out.

Before Boyko could respond, there was a loud noise, sounding almost like a kick, followed by Bibby shrieking in pain.

"YOU STUPID-" The phone fell to the ground, still on the line, and what was heard next was sickening.

The whole room became tense.

Boyko slammed his fist onto the desk as the sounds of beating, accompanied by muffled screams, whimpers, and grunts by Andy, emanated from the phone.

"STOP DEREK! STOP!" Boyko's voice echoed throughout the room. "What do you want? You called for something, didn't you?"

There was silence for a few seconds.

"Yeah, I did call for something. I called to let every officer from the 15 Division know what happens to you when you rat out another cop. This is a brotherhood. I warned her, she crossed the line. Now she has to pay."

The slide of a gun racked back.

A squeal was heard from Andy.

The whole room became silent.

Sam couldn't hold back any longer. He ran over to the phone.

"BIBBY!"

"Who's-"

"Sam. Sam Swarek, remember me?" He was on edge, barely containing himself.

"Oh, yeah. We worked together back in '06, how have you been?"

"This is no time for small talk, Bibby. I want And- _McNally_ back."

An amused laugh came in response.

"Oh really? And why should I just hand her over?"

"I can get you your money." Everyone turned and stared at Sam, shocked. "I'll go to your house, grab everything you have, and we can have a meet where, I, alone, will come and make the exchange."

"Do you think I'm stupid, Swarek?"

"No, no, just hear me out. You take the cash, I get Andy, and I never see you again." Sam no longer cared about addressing her professionally. "I know you can disappear, Derek, you've done it before, it will be easy. Just give me Andy, and you continue living your life." A hint of desperation could be heard in Sam's plea. As much as it sickened him to talk to Bibby like they were friends, he did it anyway, because of Andy.

"Even if you wanted to do this, Swarek, no one would let you."

"That won't be a problem. I can and will do whatever it takes; you've seen me in the field. I can do this."

"Even if it includes losing your job?" He asked, incredulously.

"The last thing I care about is my career, here, Bibby. So, cut the crap. Do we have a deal or not?"

…

As Andy sat on the cold floor of the basement, shivering and in pain, she still listened to every word that was exchanged over the phone. Hearing Sam's voice had calmed her down, yet almost brought tears to her eyes as she remembered how things were between them at the moment. She listened to his plea, appreciation flowing through her veins, but one thing he said hit her hard.

"_The last thing I care about is my career, here…"_

Andy's gut wrenched, the tears she'd built up finally falling from her eyes. The feeling that ran through her as she heard him say that was nearly indescribable. Having someone put everything on the line for her, everything they've worked for their entire life, was nothing she'd ever experienced before. She wondered if the mindset he had here applied to their personal relationship too… For some reason she knew it did, and it was implied for her. Hurt sunk in, and all she wanted now was to get back to the station, back to Sam, and tell him everything. If she couldn't trust him with her heart now, she would never be able to.

It was all so clear now. She considered how her father always valued alcohol over her, how Luke always valued his job, but Sam… _Sam_ didn't put anything before her.

…

**"It is not because the truth is too difficult to see that we make mistakes... we make mistakes because the easiest and most comfortable course for us is to seek insight where it accords with our emotions - especially selfish ones." -Alexander Solzhenitsyn**

...

A/N: _What did you guys think?_


	3. Chapter 3

...

The meeting was set.

In one hour, alone, at a secluded warehouse about 20 minutes away was where Sam was supposed to meet Bibby. No one knew about the location except for them at the moment.

Sam was out of his uniform, in a black tee with jeans, getting ready to leave.

Another officer had already brought Sam the duffle bag with the money, and everyone was overly insistent on helping. It was quite the opposite of what he had expected.

Boyko had gotten a bullet proof vest out of lock-up for Sam to wear, and everyone made sure that everything he needed was prepared for him.

"You realize this isn't protocol." Boyko pointed out hesitantly, knowing that nothing he'd say or do could stop Sam.

"I don't give a damn about protocol right now, Sir, and you know that."

"I do. But, I want you to be careful. Give us the signal as soon as you get Andy to safety. Our tact teams can shut Bibby down."

"Bibby's one of us, he knows all of our tricks. If he notices anything unusual, he'll take Andy again, or worse. I'll do this alone."

"That's not happening."

"Damn it, sir! You know how many months I was under? You know how much I've sacrificed for this job? I'm pretty sure I can handle it on my own."

Sam turned angrily and started walking away.

"SWAREK." Boyko called out in an authoritative tone.

Sam stopped briefly and turned, annoyed. He didn't say anything.

"You're forgetting something." Boyko stepped back and grabbed the vest off of a desk. He threw it at Sam. "You better damn well wear that, Swarek. I'm serious."

Sam nodded gratefully and walked out of the station.

...

As he approached his truck, Callaghan was leaning against it.

Sam let out a low moan.

"Swarek, I'm coming with you."

Even under the circumstances, Sam had an urge to chuckle, but held it back.

"No way in hell." He snapped.

"I need to be there for her Sam. She needs someone there for her."

Sam clenched his jaw. "Get out of my way. **Now**."

"Sa-"

Sam stepped up to Luke, pressing him against his truck.

"I'm going alone, and even if I were convinced into bringing someone along, you'd be the last person on earth I'd choose. Now get the hell away from me."

Sam let up, and Luke brushed himself off, walking away, but not before staring at Sam angrily.

...

Sam proceeded to get in his car, drive around aimlessly for a few miles, trying to lose any tails he might have, before finally arriving at his destination, 15 minutes early.

There seemed to be no one in sight. He rested his forehead against the steering wheel, while trying to concentrate on his plan for getting Andy home safely. He came up with a plan, and once he finished the preparation, he got back in his truck, waiting anxiously.

He then looked over into the passenger's seat, eyeing the vest Boyko gave him carefully, debating whether or not to put it on.

…

Luke was pissed.

Sam was going to be the hero now.

He was scared for Andy, and therefore, he just couldn't stand the idea of trusting Sam to get Andy out safely all by himself. He had to be there. And so he would be.

Luke had one of his buddies track Sam's cell, off the books, so that he would be able to back Sam up if needed.

Now, Luke followed him to his location, but he wanted to be discreet about it. He kept his distance once he got there, parking behind another empty building, but still being able to see everything that would take place once the meeting started.

…

Andy was in excruciating pain. She was cramped in the trunk of a rental sedan that Bibby was driving. Everything ached. Her head, her ribs, her chest... She wanted this to end- _needed_ it to end soon.

Finally, the sedan came to a rolling stop, the engine still running for about 30 seconds before finally being shut off. She could hardly hear anything outside. The trunk was insolated pretty well.

…

Sam got out of his truck, grabbing the duffle bag and stepping forward about three feet before stopping and setting the bag on the ground to his right.

Bibby got out slowly, looking around extremely carefully. He kept his distance, a good five feet, eyeing Sam closely.

Sam stood perfectly still and upright, an ice cold feeling running through his bloodstream. He could feel the smooth metal of his Glock 17 against his back in the waistband of his jeans.

"You're alone?" Bibby finally broke the silence.

"That's what you said, isn't it?"

"Don't play games with me, Swarek."

Sam thought better of irritating him, and answered him sincerely. "Yes. I'm alone. I swear." There was a long pause. "Where's Andy?"

"I've got her. Hand me my money first."

It took all of the strength Sam possessed to stop from attacking Bibby and killing him right there.

"C'mon, Bibby, do I look that naïve? Either I get her into my truck now, or you don't get your money, period."

"Oh, really?" Bibby contradicted, raising his gun and pointing it towards Sam.

Sam didn't so much as flinch.

"What's stopping me from killing both of you right now and taking my money?"

Sam slowly loosened his right fist, exposing a lighter.

"Because, Derek, your duffle bag is moist with gasoline." Sam lit the lighter and the flame was lingering dangerously close above the money. "You shoot me, and your money burns to ashes in seconds."

…

From a distance all Luke can see is Bibby's gun pointed directly at Sam.

He can't see Sam's plan unfolding perfectly.

He thinks he needs to take action, so he goes into his truck and grabs his service weapon, ready to approach the scene and save the day.

…

As Luke is inside his truck, Bibby is walking to the trunk and pulling Andy out aggressively. She's still gagged, bound, and bloody. Sam becomes nauseous. It was going to be so much more difficult to let him walk away with this than he'd anticipated.

It was then that Andy and Sam's eyes finally met.

She looked at him, tears forming in her eyes, with appreciation and guilt spread all over her face. She just wanted to be with him now, she would let go of all her concerns, drop all of her walls, and let him in.

Sam swallowed, his knees becoming weak, his heart sinking, only wanting to run over to her, hold her in his arms, and take all the pain away. All he could think about now was telling her exactly how he felt, apologizing for acting immature earlier, for making any mistakes, and letting her know that he didn't care about the rules, so long as they could be together.

While envisioning this, he switched the lighter to his left hand, grabbed the duffle bag, and began stepping towards Bibby and Andy.

…

Luke had his weapon, taking a deep breath before sprinting towards the scene, still expecting to see Sam at gunpoint. He ran, gun drawn, and began yelling.

"DON'T MOVE OR I'LL-" Luke's face dropped as he saw the exchange almost complete.

Sam, Andy, and Bibby all looked in his direction. Bibby panicked, and just as he went to grab Andy again, Sam drew his Glock and aimed. Bibby already had his gun in his hand and within a split second both of them started firing at each other. Bibby fired two shots, Sam got one off. Sam had placed a bullet in the forehead of Bibby, killing him instantly, but not soon enough.

…

Luke was completely still now, his eyes wide, his face pale, and his mind racing. After a few seconds, he snapped out of his trance and called for back-up.

…

Sam was hit with both bullets. He then fell backwards, hitting his head on the bumper of his truck, which knocked him out.

Andy screamed in terror, still gagged, and ran to Sam's side immediately.

...

The minutes that followed seemed like hours, and everything felt surreal. This was like a bad nightmare; the only difference is that, here, you will never wake up, because you've in fact never fallen asleep.

...

"**I wish that I could hold you now… I wish that I could touch you now… I wish that I could talk to you… be with you somehow." – [I Wish] - R. Kelly**

...

_A/N: Thank all of you for reading, and please review!_


	4. Chapter 4

Luke had had enough sense to call for back-up and medics, but once he hung up, he sank back into his previously paralyzed state.

His vision was blurred, his head spinning while he tried to rationalize what had just happened.

He was looking at Andy, but not processing that what was taking place was actually real…

She was leaning over Sam, rocking back and forth, and moving her both of her hands, which were still bound together, across Sam's chest, trying to survey his injuries.

It was as if he were watching from a distance, behind an invisible barrier that separated him from reality. Everything he heard was muffled and echoed.

Eventually, Andy's piercing scream, directed towards him, penetrated this barrier.

He ran over to her, finally realizing she needed help. He pulled off the cloth that was wrapped tightly around her mouth and untied the thick rope around her wrists.

"I'm sorry… I'm- I'm so sorry…" Was all that Luke could manage to say.

She looked at him, both furious and mortified, and told him to back up because she needed space.

Luke stepped back a few feet, turned around, and brought both of his hands to the back of his head, running his fingers nervously through his hair.

…

Andy was terrified beyond comprehension.

_This couldn't be happening. Not now, not when she needed Sam the most…_

She lost her breath momentarily, out of relief, once she felt the solid, rough vest under Sam's shirt, with two bullets lodged in the exterior.

She had then run her hands to the back of his neck, softly and slowly lifting his head, running her fingers gently through his hair simultaneously. Andy felt sick as her fingers soon became drenched in warm, thick liquid. There was blood everywhere; he had cut his head when he fell.

"Sam, Sam wake up, c'mon, please, It's Andy…" Tears were falling from her cheeks onto his shirt. "Sam, I need you, you can't leave me. SAM!" Her voice was filled with desperation. "You mean so much to me, and more… I need you to stay with me; I need you to be okay... _please_ Sam…"

Andy kept her right hand supporting his head, but brought her left up to his face and ran her fingers smoothly from his hairline down to his jaw.

His strong, muscular body then shifted, followed by him immediately tensing up and wincing. His eyelids were pressed together, his forehead imprinted with wrinkles from the pain he was experiencing.

Andy sighed and smiled slightly as she spoke, "No, no, don't move Sam, don't move. I'm right here-"

Her voice cracked. She swallowed and began to continue but stopped as Sam's eyes opened slowly.

He looked at her, his large, dark eyes causing her to get lost within them.

"Andy…" He started but trailed off, having trouble finding his breath.

"Shh, Sam… you don't have to say anything, I'm not going anywhere. I promise-" She couldn't finish her sentence because her emotions took over and seemed to strip her of her voice.

He tried his best to lift his head more and smile but once again was limited by the amount of pain he felt. However, he pushed past it and brought up his hand cautiously to grab hers, proceeding to squeeze it to the best of his ability, and in doing so, transferring so much emotion, before closing his eyes once again.

It was then that she heard the sirens, getting louder with every second that passed. She still knelt there, by his side, gripping his hand until paramedics forced her to move.

…

It was about an hour later, and Sam sat on the hospital bed arguing with the nurse that he was fine. She insisted he needed to stay put, not walk around, but, as you know, Sam isn't the most cooperative person when it comes to something he doesn't want to do.

…

Andy had just gotten her stitches put in across her right cheekbone when she asked the doctor where Sam was. He told her, and she got up quickly, having been irritated by the fact that they were separated in the first place. She got within a few feet of Sam's room and immediately heard his contradictory tone in response to the nurse's recommendations. She smiled, before slowly walking in and observing the scene taking place.

Sam sat with his back towards her, his right hand put up in an explanatory gesture, as he told the nurse that he couldn't just sit there and die of boredom.

The nurse spotted Andy when she walked in and it wasn't long before Sam followed her gaze.

He was still talking as he turned, but once he saw her, his voice faded away into silence. His eyes widened, bright, and filled with depth and meaning.

She looked at him for a few seconds before shifting her gaze to the nurse.

"Thank you for trying to contain him," she smiled as she spoke, "but I can handle it from here. I'll make sure he stays put."

The nurse looked grateful, and slightly smiled.

"He's got two broken ribs and a pretty bad cut to the back of his head. We stitched it up and gave him something to ease the pain, but he should really get some rest, and so should you." The nurse said to Andy, motioning towards _her _injuries before walking away.

"Thank you." Andy said and then directed all of her attention towards Sam.

He stood up and stared at her, neither of them speaking for a moment.

"I never want to feel like I'm going to lose you again, Sam." She said, forcing herself to keep the tears from forming in her eyes.

Sadness and appreciation was etched on his face. He turned his lips up slightly, almost in like an apologetically grateful way.

She then walked towards him, knowing that they needn't worry about explaining themselves to each other right now.

She got within a foot of him and he brought his right arm around her and pulled her into him. She gripped him tightly but gently, her head resting on his chest. He set his chin on her head, and both of them closed their eyes and just stood there, letting all of their concerns slip away, and holding onto the only things that really made sense to them then: each other.

…

"**Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see Life with a clearer view again." –Alex Tan**

…

_A/N: Do you ever have one of those times where you are completely unsure of how you feel about something? 'Cause that's how I feel about this chapter. I honestly don't know what to think of it._

_So, you guys tell me. Please?_


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